then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
