But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
