do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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