I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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