Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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