Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
