There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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