How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
