so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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