what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
