Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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