You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
