Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
