just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
