i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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