I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
