Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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