His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
