Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
