dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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