I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
