sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
