dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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