take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
