So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
