What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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