question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
