dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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