Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
