I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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