He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sarcasm needs its own font
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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