Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
