His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
