its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
