You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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