im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
