i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
