Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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