Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
