Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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