so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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