Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
