I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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