I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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