People in love make me want to vomit
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Vodka?
Forever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
