Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
