Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
two words...techno handjob
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
