The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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