Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
