So drunk, too bad you don't want this
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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