so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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