He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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