Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
